Lies of Panic
Apr 20, 2017
New
you make all things new.
still.
my bones cage in my existence.
Be still. I whisper, be still.
I hide myself behind emotional concrete walls. I've taught myself to equate God's goodness with how to live, what I should do, and how I should do it. I've exchanged my dignity to legalistic ways of love.
It's left me empty and misinformed of truth. However, His unaltered truth remains. He remains. Yet, at times I remain down.
I've attributed Your being to human qualities. I say I've laid your word across my heart only to
access it occasionally.
When the storms of frustration hits. When my mind jumps ahead of me 100km/h. When worry seems to rip my heart apart. When prayer is the sound of weeping than praise. I lay my splintered cross at your feet, I try to deny myself (Matthew 16:24), and allow the truth to penetrate the lies of panic.
I've lived my life through shattered hearts that struggle to live their own truth. I've envied their plastered quotes and the repetitive chatter of rules that worked for them.
I've imprisoned my being, comparing my identity to those who my father used to compare my younger self to. A distant memory that often lingers.
That breaks parts of me down from time to time.
I've been the sheep that has left the flock. I've wondered off in the distance searching for pieces of me in a world that seems to hate me. I've lost my own battle, as a result I've created scars which no longer can be erased from my memory.
I've dug up my own cisterns, the ones that can not sustain water( Jeremiah 2:13). The cracked bottoms are reflection of the life I risk loosing to the pleasures of the world by going astray. Each time I try to patch up the wounds. I end up scratching the surface of my own rebellion.
I try to find the place where the water flows--the land of milk and honey.
Yet.
Yet the reflection of the water from the sun is tainted with opaque idols that reflect the canvas of my soul. The itching relief of freedom, is what my soul longs for. But the bondage of my thoughts escapes through my anxiety.
You hold me up, when anxiety holds me down!
You make a way in the wilderness,when the lies of panic choke me up.
I relentlessly pursue after the one who can heal me. I'm at a place in my life where I can barely hear myself and the truth at the same time. The missing puzzles of my life cling to me.
There's longing to knock out cultural norms and to be inexhaustibly human.
To be what I need to be.
a being.unkept. a work in progress.
In the midst, my mind finds the fault in the stained imprints of sin.
However, I believe the one who has freed me has set me free from it all.
There will be days I will long to go back,
but oh Lord remind me that my soul can only find rest in you alone.
Rest to break free from a condemned heart.
and an anxious soul!
Rest from the lies of panic, that heeds to rebellion.
Rest to the truth: that you make all things new!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? | Isaiah 43:18-19|
for the sake of love,
Flaming Whispers!
Apr 5, 2017
The flames of my words can burn sometimes.
I lose all focus.
The tension becomes too much.
So I speak without thinking.
A woman with many words. Sharpe with her tongue.
My conscious screams, BE PATIENT!
but my flaws has already been undone.
BE QUICK TO HEAR and slow to speak!
The INTAKE is better than the outtake --are the melodies that play silently in the mist of the chaos.
The INTAKE is better than the outtake --are the melodies that play silently in the mist of the chaos.
The whispers of my words are the silent cries from within.
I'm learning that flames of my words can hurt.
They can cut deep.
but my intentions are good .
I'm learning that flames of my words can hurt.
They can cut deep.
but my intentions are good .
for the sake of love,
N
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