Specks
Writing for me is so therapeutic; it's my escape from the world and from my problems.
I become one with myself when I can unravel the layers; when I
can see my progress, my failures and the things I need to do to be
better for God and those around me.
I just quickly wanted to share something with you guys...
I had a dream last night,
where the images of sharp splattered needles aligned
themselves in a orderly fashion.
My soul shook,
it was as though I could hear the blood traveling through the beat of my heart.
As I arose from my slumber, I couldn't help but wonder...
the illusionist patterns, They conveyed such mystery!
questions!
I had many questions,
Relax. Breath. It's just a DREAM!
was my mind playing tricks on me?
Steady.Pace.breath.
or was my identity being decoded
for me to see
to see...
answers!
answers of who I am... still unanswered.
so I let go.
I would ...
rather let my mind speak for me,
then just maybe you would get me.
all that I am
down to the
tiniest details of the dust I am made up of.
And if my body was to combust
in front of you.
If the tiny pieces,
the specks of dust would
fall into the palm of your hands.
Then you would understand...
that I am only human--
flawed.
To say the least
I can be a bit emotional.
More in my feelings than most,
a stubborn heart
but
a kind soul,
quick to anger,
but..
easy to let go.
I like to be reassured more than once,
some may think it's clingy
but I like to call it
security.
Afraid of rejection
so i'll do anything in
my power to shut it down
before it slowly slithers its way
back into my life.
a force to be reckoned with.
I AM a FORCE to reckoned with!
I'm tough, but
fragile... delicate...weak
If I need you to be there
and
I make myself, and opaque glass for you.
Carry me, love me
understand that,
these layers aren't easy to break down.
But for you I allowed you to hold my specks,
as you watch me burst out of the flames,
into my identity.
Still; in the midst of the smog
you lost your train of
thought,
and you forgot,
that my mind was speaking to you
and not the quick
utterance of my conscious thoughts..
if only you could hold onto my specks
much longer,
then maybe you would understand
the woman the
Creator made me to be...
A woman of many specks, sharp.with many edges. who has givenpeicesofherself. to many...
In exchange for freedom.
so love me,
even when it's hard to hold on to the frail pieces of my specks burning into ashes...
for the sake of his love,
NanaOhh.
I become one with myself when I can unravel the layers; when I
can see my progress, my failures and the things I need to do to be
better for God and those around me.
I just quickly wanted to share something with you guys...
where the images of sharp splattered needles aligned
themselves in a orderly fashion.
My soul shook,
it was as though I could hear the blood traveling through the beat of my heart.
As I arose from my slumber, I couldn't help but wonder...
the illusionist patterns, They conveyed such mystery!
questions!
I had many questions,
Relax. Breath. It's just a DREAM!
was my mind playing tricks on me?
Steady.Pace.breath.
or was my identity being decoded
for me to see
to see...
answers!
answers of who I am... still unanswered.
so I let go.
I would ...
rather let my mind speak for me,
then just maybe you would get me.
all that I am
down to the
tiniest details of the dust I am made up of.
And if my body was to combust
in front of you.
If the tiny pieces,
the specks of dust would
fall into the palm of your hands.
Then you would understand...
that I am only human--
flawed.
To say the least
I can be a bit emotional.
More in my feelings than most,
a stubborn heart
but
a kind soul,
quick to anger,
but..
easy to let go.
I like to be reassured more than once,
some may think it's clingy
but I like to call it
security.
Afraid of rejection
so i'll do anything in
my power to shut it down
before it slowly slithers its way
back into my life.
a force to be reckoned with.
I AM a FORCE to reckoned with!
I'm tough, but
fragile... delicate...weak
If I need you to be there
and
I make myself, and opaque glass for you.
Carry me, love me
understand that,
these layers aren't easy to break down.
But for you I allowed you to hold my specks,
as you watch me burst out of the flames,
into my identity.
Still; in the midst of the smog
you lost your train of
thought,
and you forgot,
that my mind was speaking to you
and not the quick
utterance of my conscious thoughts..
if only you could hold onto my specks
much longer,
then maybe you would understand
the woman the
Creator made me to be...
A woman of many specks, sharp.with many edges. who has givenpeicesofherself. to many...
In exchange for freedom.
so love me,
even when it's hard to hold on to the frail pieces of my specks burning into ashes...
for the sake of his love,
NanaOhh.
David Your Goliath
Nov 18, 2015
In my journey, in the storms, in the sunshine, I'm discovering who I am. Actually, I'm discovering who the I AM is |Exodus 3:14| in the midst of this journey: through the storms and sunshine.
I wrote a post earlier this year where I discussed the process of breaking free from the cage the world put me in. How my identity was based on how everyone looked at me and what I should be.
In the course of the process, God was leading me to His purpose for me and the calling on my life. "A stamp of freedom" was written to map out the stages of my passion--something that is still unfolding before me.
I wanted to lay out the foundation of my blog. I wanted to put into existence the ideas that float around in my head. I wanted to say things on the blog that would get people thinking about who they really are in their faith and who they represent. I mean, let’s be real--we are all afraid to be judged, and sometimes we don't vocalize our internal feelings. Sometimes transparency isn't an easy thing. But what we have to understand is as believers our one standard is Christ. There are many ways to reach out to people about Christ, and in those things, depending what they are, the outcome will be different every time. I don't have to preach to you to prove that God's working in every aspect of my life. I don't have to lay out basic guidelines and teach you how to live your life. Nonetheless, that is not what my calling is-- I would rather leave it to those who are more specialized in those areas. I truly want those who read my post to discover themselves in Christ. To see my imperfect life as God’s saving Grace constantly working. Sometimes the struggle doesn't mean it's over and the battle doesn't mean you are going to lose--even when it does feel like it sometimes. ( Man, writing this right now has me wishing that my mindset was always like this LOL. I'm working on it though).
But...
There's a greater purpose. Christ overcame death to give me life.
The vision for my blog—well, when I started I didn't have one, to be honest.
I actually started one a year before, hated it and completely shut it down.
My desire to write was waning. My leaves were dying. The stems could no longer carry the water and give life to me. My writing felt forced, but there was always this silent urgency tugging on my heart to keep writing. So in January 2015 I decided to stop complaining and get the job done. It's quite funny how the blog came to be. On the quest to start blogging again I came across a blog I started in 2010 called For The Sake of Love, which was intended to discuss my journey in University. I had completely forgotten that I had started a blog. I knew it had to be only God who brought me back to the place that was intended to jumpstart the changes in my life.
A period of darkness.pain.brokeness.
Undoubtedly, at that time God knew that I wasn't ready. Coming across the blog gave me so much peace, though. It screamed authenticity. I felt that I understood the old me, but this time in a more mature, divine way. God was refining me and preparing me for the next stage of where ever he was taking me ... and it was for the sake of his LOVE.
In the past, I battled with negative thoughts (sometimes still do), compared myself with everyone around me. I mean, growing up I wasn't the prettiest. Acne had decided to make a home on my face which destroyed myself esteem. Oh yea, I can't forget the talent,( ha what talent?) I had none. I couldn't sing, dance, and I was definitely not the smartest out of the bunch.
I envied those whose gifts were obvious.
I tried to prove to myself time and time again that God didn't love me because of what was humanly glorified. Don't believe the hype; sometimes our most precious features are the ones that are over looked.
I came across this verse the other day :
37 The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”
Saul said to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you.”
...
50 So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.
| 1 Samuel 17:37, 50|
Now most people who have read the story of David and Goliath ( if you haven't I encourage you to check it out) know that Goliath was more physically inclined to defeat David, but David knew the Lord was with him and because of that he triumphed over him with a sling and a stone. Something so simple but yet he was able to defeat the Giant.
We over look what’s inside of us because of the Giants that tell us in our minds and all around us that we can't overcome. Our gifts aren't or won't always be noticed by everyone. Sometimes we doubt ourselves and what were capable of. But remind yourself our battles are won in our trust in God.
I can confidently say that because of the Goliath's that I’ve faced:
I can confidently say that because of the Goliath's that I’ve faced:
I discovered Gods love;
Fell in Love;
Have built solid friendships,
realized my family’s love for me
and understand that failure isn't the end…
It's just the beginning.
for the sake of his love,
NanaOhh.
NanaOhh.
I'm so anxious today.
I'm nervous, sad, weary, stressed but hopeful.
I guess I'm hopeful because although I can not see him I know hes's with me.
In my darkness and in my clutter...
Today is just one of those days, when I slowly have to pick up the pieces.
I FEEL!
the odds are against me..
I'm weak.
But
I pray that..
I won't fall apart, trying to put the pieces of my clutter back together.
CHRIST
eternal ROCK
carry the pieces for me.
and,
set my anxious heart free!
For the sake of His Love,
NanaOhh.
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