God really shut me up this morning. I literally had to look up at the ceiling at work and all I could say in repentance was " Sorry Lord". I told myself this year that I would actively write more on this blog. I knew that this is something that I was created to do even though at times I don't feel equipped to carry out the task at hand. Throughout this week I have been throwing myself a pity party, feeling discourage because I felt that the support I initially thought I would receive on starting a blog would be tremendous. For some reason, in my head I thought that all my family and friends would be promoting it like CRAZY, like "go GIRL you got this!" and all the other ohh's and ahh's; that they would get others to share, like and re post it on their social media pages so people would see what I have to say which then would encourage them on their own personal walk with Christ also.
I just wanted people to see that I was trying and even though I did not have the formula on exactly how to be the perfect Christian, my efforts in sharing some wisdom on my experience, growth on the things I was going through would be helpful to somebody. Reality set in and that was not the case. Don't get me wrong, I have had a great amount of feed back from close friends and family who encourage me to keep doing what I do, and celebrating the improvement in my writing. I'm truly grateful for all their love and support. But to be real with you guys, I just didn't picture it in my head to be like this at all.
Tuesday afternoon I posted a picture on my new blog post on Instagram. I went back too look at it hours later and not to my surprise only 10 likes. 10 LIKES LORD really?! All I could say was man these people are a bunch of haters. Ya'll know you saw my post and scrolled right past it and all I could get was 10 likes? My heart ached literally and all of sudden I just started doubting everything: the goals and vision I had set out for myself and the purpose God had placed inside of me. Damn! why was I letting social media get to me? Why did I even care so much ?I just kept asking God if something was wrong with me and if I was doing everything wrong. To be honest sometimes I just feel like I am pulling teeth just to get people to read my stuff. Don't have me mistaken, I'm a firm believer that Christians should not have to beg for people to look at their things or get support from others because God will certainly bring the increase. However, I felt like I was begging even though I did not want to.
So this morning I was talking to the Lord about how I felt, you know my daily rambles to him. Then I asked him to give me a word today that he specifically wanted me to know. LOW and behold this is the verse that popped up "Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your father who is in heaven".| Matthew 6:1|. Wow I even had to take a double take and see if I was reading this verse correctly lol. But THAT WAS IT ! I took my eyes off Christ and put it on myself and on mans opinion. I wanted peoples approval/ feedback so much that I ran with the fantasy in my head and became discourage when the outcome of my reality was not the same. I was writing so that man would extol and praise me instead of doing it for the Lord. I was caught up in the HYPE, I made it about me and relied on people to reassure that what I was doing was good enough.
Even if God inspires me to put a message out there my motives about it need to be pure. Sometimes we say we are doing things for the Lord but end up having the wrong motives. I really needed to check my mind and heart and realize that it will never be about what others see me as or the amount of support they will give me. My righteousness should not be something I desire for man to see but it should be that I am doing this so that God will know and uproot the darkened areas in my life. I encourage anyone that is feeling like this to take your eyes off people and yourself. They are not God; they do not have the final say in anything that you seek out to do. And what if they never read or look at your stuff? You keep doing it because you love the Lord and that is what he has called you to do if you believe so. Keep pushing , keep serving and let righteousness not be a desire to be seen by men but to be seen by God. The only approval we need to win is his!
My Prayer Today:" Lord take my eyes off myself and off and the approval of man and let me serve you with a righteous heart that will be pleasing to you.
For the sake of his Love,
NanaOhh.
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