Specks

Writing for me is so therapeutic; it's my escape from the world and from my problems.
I become one with myself when I can unravel the layers; when I
can see my progress, my failures and the things I need to do to be
better for God and those around me.

I just quickly wanted to share something with you guys...

I had a dream last night,
where the images of sharp splattered needles aligned
themselves in a orderly fashion.

My soul shook,
it was as though I could hear the blood traveling through the beat of my heart.

As I arose from my slumber, I couldn't help but wonder...
the illusionist patterns, They conveyed such mystery!

questions!
I had many questions,

Relax. Breath. It's just a DREAM!

was my mind playing tricks on me?

Steady.Pace.breath.

or was my identity being decoded
for me to see

to see...

answers!
answers of who I am... still unanswered.

so I let go.
I would ...

rather let my mind speak for me,
then just maybe you would get me.
all that I am
down to the
tiniest details of the dust I am made up of.

And if my body was to combust
in front of you.

If the tiny pieces,
the specks of dust would
fall into the palm of your hands.

Then you would understand...
that I am only human--
flawed.
To say the least
I can be a bit emotional.

More in my feelings than most,
a stubborn heart
but
a kind soul,

quick to anger,
but..
easy to let go.

I like to be reassured more than once,
some may think it's clingy
but I like to call it
security.

Afraid of rejection
so i'll do anything in
my power to shut it down
before it slowly slithers its way
back into my life.

a force to be reckoned with.
I AM a FORCE to reckoned with!
I'm tough, but
fragile... delicate...weak

If I need you to be there
and
I make myself, and opaque glass for you.
Carry me, love me
understand that,
these layers aren't easy to break down.

But for you I allowed you to hold my specks, 
as you watch me burst out of the flames,
into my identity.

Still; in the midst of the smog
you lost your train of
thought,

and you forgot,
that my mind was speaking to you
and not the quick
utterance of my conscious thoughts..

if only you could hold onto my specks
much longer,
then maybe you would understand
the woman the
Creator made me to be...

A woman of many specks, sharp.with many edges. who has givenpeicesofherself. to many...
In exchange for freedom.

so love me,
even when it's hard to hold on to the frail pieces of my specks burning into ashes...

for the sake of his love,
NanaOhh.