Lies of Panic
Apr 20, 2017
New
you make all things new.
still.
my bones cage in my existence.
Be still. I whisper, be still.
I hide myself behind emotional concrete walls. I've taught myself to equate God's goodness with how to live, what I should do, and how I should do it. I've exchanged my dignity to legalistic ways of love.
It's left me empty and misinformed of truth. However, His unaltered truth remains. He remains. Yet, at times I remain down.
I've attributed Your being to human qualities. I say I've laid your word across my heart only to
access it occasionally.
When the storms of frustration hits. When my mind jumps ahead of me 100km/h. When worry seems to rip my heart apart. When prayer is the sound of weeping than praise. I lay my splintered cross at your feet, I try to deny myself (Matthew 16:24), and allow the truth to penetrate the lies of panic.
I've lived my life through shattered hearts that struggle to live their own truth. I've envied their plastered quotes and the repetitive chatter of rules that worked for them.
I've imprisoned my being, comparing my identity to those who my father used to compare my younger self to. A distant memory that often lingers.
That breaks parts of me down from time to time.
I've been the sheep that has left the flock. I've wondered off in the distance searching for pieces of me in a world that seems to hate me. I've lost my own battle, as a result I've created scars which no longer can be erased from my memory.
I've dug up my own cisterns, the ones that can not sustain water( Jeremiah 2:13). The cracked bottoms are reflection of the life I risk loosing to the pleasures of the world by going astray. Each time I try to patch up the wounds. I end up scratching the surface of my own rebellion.
I try to find the place where the water flows--the land of milk and honey.
Yet.
Yet the reflection of the water from the sun is tainted with opaque idols that reflect the canvas of my soul. The itching relief of freedom, is what my soul longs for. But the bondage of my thoughts escapes through my anxiety.
You hold me up, when anxiety holds me down!
You make a way in the wilderness,when the lies of panic choke me up.
I relentlessly pursue after the one who can heal me. I'm at a place in my life where I can barely hear myself and the truth at the same time. The missing puzzles of my life cling to me.
There's longing to knock out cultural norms and to be inexhaustibly human.
To be what I need to be.
a being.unkept. a work in progress.
In the midst, my mind finds the fault in the stained imprints of sin.
However, I believe the one who has freed me has set me free from it all.
There will be days I will long to go back,
but oh Lord remind me that my soul can only find rest in you alone.
Rest to break free from a condemned heart.
and an anxious soul!
Rest from the lies of panic, that heeds to rebellion.
Rest to the truth: that you make all things new!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? | Isaiah 43:18-19|
for the sake of love,
Flaming Whispers!
Apr 5, 2017
The flames of my words can burn sometimes.
I lose all focus.
The tension becomes too much.
So I speak without thinking.
A woman with many words. Sharpe with her tongue.
My conscious screams, BE PATIENT!
but my flaws has already been undone.
BE QUICK TO HEAR and slow to speak!
The INTAKE is better than the outtake --are the melodies that play silently in the mist of the chaos.
The INTAKE is better than the outtake --are the melodies that play silently in the mist of the chaos.
The whispers of my words are the silent cries from within.
I'm learning that flames of my words can hurt.
They can cut deep.
but my intentions are good .
I'm learning that flames of my words can hurt.
They can cut deep.
but my intentions are good .
for the sake of love,
N
Speak to Your Mountains
Feb 17, 2017
And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the
field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And
she said unto her, Go, my daughter. (Ruth 2:2-KJV)
I found myself in the book of Ruth, a book that I’ve read quite a
few times already. My mind was thinking, Why am I here again, I’ve already read
this. I was led to chapter 2 verse 2 specifically. I couldn’t get it out of my
mind the entire day. Only later did I realize that God kept emphasizing that
Ruth boldly spoke that she would go into Boaz’s field, and she would find
grace in his sight, and Naomi encouraged her. Ruth didn’t question
whether Boaz would accept her to enter his field. The King James Version, says Let
me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I
shall find grace. She boldly declared that she would find
favour, and she went.
This reminds me why we ought to come boldly, with authority to the throne of grace, and speak that which we want to see fulfilled. Our words are spirit and life. When we find ourselves in particular seasons, face-to-face with challenges, our words should be that of victory spoken in the authority of Christ. It doesn’t help to build mountains that we will need to move again.
This reminds me why we ought to come boldly, with authority to the throne of grace, and speak that which we want to see fulfilled. Our words are spirit and life. When we find ourselves in particular seasons, face-to-face with challenges, our words should be that of victory spoken in the authority of Christ. It doesn’t help to build mountains that we will need to move again.
Moreover, as Ruth worked in the field, Boaz spotted her, inquired of her,
and extended to her grace. He told her not to go glean in another field but to stay
close to where the other women were; he extended a hedge of protection on her
from the ardor of other men. Additionally, if she were in need of water,
refreshment or rest, it was available to her (Ruth 2:3,8-9). That’s grace!
The lesson I take from this is that, wherever you are, and
whatever you have been entrusted to do, speak life, speak victory, let the
words of your mouth command the blessings of God so that God will grace you
with those blessings as you are faithfully gleaning the field. That thing
that you want is right in front of you. Don’t do yourself a disservice by
speaking words of doubt, destruction or death. Speak life and let God honour
you; you may end up not having to work all fields, but only need to work one,
and in that one, you will get a lot of perks you never thought possible.
Just as Jesus assured his disciples that if they have faith, and do not doubt, they can say to the mountain "be you cast into the sea" and it will be done (Matthew 21:21) you can speak to the mountains in your life, and see your circumstances change.
for the sake of love,
Chenai
for the sake of love,
Chenai
Seeds of Change
Jan 10, 2017
Glory awaits for those who seek for it. For those whose heart are in condition for change. Who receive the truth and allow the truth to penetrate in their lives. As I sit here and stare into space, my notebook candidly lays on my lap. The naked pages untouched. I think about all the things I want to do, should do and have to do. The dream of illuminating my goals cloud my head, directly blinding me from all the things I'm going through. The turbulence of my faith shakes me. It plasters itself between the neurons firing in my brain and in hindsight the image of the invisible God becomes what I fear to know.
In the glory of His presence. I question my very existence and the change I want to see in myself. I barely budge, as I lay in awe of His splendour. I'm shaken of what it exposes of me. How frail I am as a being. It saddens me to know that the change I want to be has raptured me to realize that I'm nothing short of human. Deception hugs me tightly and the journey awakens my soul. In a split second I see the image of tiny seeds gathered, being planted.
A mirrored vision, of a farmer who, joyfully, gathers his seeds becomes what is known; he loosely carries the seeds and is carelessly swayed as the seeds fall along the path he walks on. The intense hunger of the birds unashamedly gathers the seeds of her frail faith and eats it up. The farmer continues to plant and her soul takes a liking to the soil, as it softens her heart, she becomes naive to the whispers of the enemy. Drenched in lies, the seeds of her heart viciously hits the shallow concrete of reality. It stunts her growth. The sun biologically rises but the lack of her root results in her slowly falling away and being destroyed.
The calamity of life gets the best of her, deceitful tongues manipulate her. The lies planted in her heart are hypocritical examples of love and worldly affection. Weakened to the echoes of the estranged, the voice of the GREAT one is faintly tuned out. Crippled by the judgement of others and the persecution of pain, she lays broken and unyoked. As the soil of her heart rejects the truth, it weeds to vain pursuits. Giving up, she blindly patches up her open wounds of vulnerability to the pleasures of the world.
As the farmer continued to plant, some of her seeds fall on good ground and heart become deeply rooted in the soil. She bears the fruit of life and the words received penetrate deeply within her. Rooted, her foundation unshaken, she continued to bear good fruit. In her understanding, the gardner prunes her and cuts off any branch that does not produce fruit. She becomes more fruitful as she relies on the vine, the tender whispers of His word remind her, "Remain in me and I will remain in you "| John 15:4|. Good soil, produces many crops, however "no branch can bear fruit by itself, it must be deeply rooted in the vine " | John 15:4|. Her heart openly receives the truth, as she continues to use the words to bear fruit. In doing so, she grows and change becomes necessary.
In hindsight, I envied the seed that fought through it. She set all her goals to push through, not to give up. She allowed the word of God to be planted in her heart. She lured her mind to cut off the lies, the burdens and to destroy the pleasures, her flesh craved intensely for. I watched her go through the nights where tears rushed vigorously down her face and onto her pillow, but on those nights she silently whispered a prayer to the Lord of lords to help her get it right. She recited and memorized the eloquence of scripture "a righteous man falls seven times but I will rise again " | Proverbs 24: 16|. The power of the saviour redemption for her life reminded her not to give up. Change was necessary, growth was important, however, if she lost the sense of her reality she would remain the same person--she refused to become. From time to time sin knocked on her door but daily grace whispered to her heart, I love you and forgive you, come back to me and be the change you earnestly long for.
The new year puts us in great spirits of setting fresh new goals. However, the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what will stimulate real change in our lives. I used the Parable of the Sower | Matthew 13:19-24|
and personified the seed(s), to give us a sense of the truth in which occurs when we fall and become slaves to the lies and the deceptions of the world. True change occurs when our hearts receive the word of God, and in spite of what comes our way, we allow the word to be the foundation in which we live. Life gets hard, things don't always go as planned. We set goals and sometimes, unfortunately, things occur and we are unable to complete them. I want this post to encourage you to set goals and make new year resolutions, but also to remind you that if things don't work out as you planned; you will diligently be the seed that fell on good soil, who received the word of God and pushed through regardless of what is going on. I prompt you to look to Christ, for in him the change we want to be are the seeds of his word that we plant in our hearts.
Reminder: For his Glory, but for your Good!
for the sake of love,
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