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Seeds of Change
Jan 10, 2017
Glory awaits for those who seek for it. For those whose heart are in condition for change. Who receive the truth and allow the truth to penetrate in their lives. As I sit here and stare into space, my notebook candidly lays on my lap. The naked pages untouched. I think about all the things I want to do, should do and have to do. The dream of illuminating my goals cloud my head, directly blinding me from all the things I'm going through. The turbulence of my faith shakes me. It plasters itself between the neurons firing in my brain and in hindsight the image of the invisible God becomes what I fear to know.
In the glory of His presence. I question my very existence and the change I want to see in myself. I barely budge, as I lay in awe of His splendour. I'm shaken of what it exposes of me. How frail I am as a being. It saddens me to know that the change I want to be has raptured me to realize that I'm nothing short of human. Deception hugs me tightly and the journey awakens my soul. In a split second I see the image of tiny seeds gathered, being planted.
A mirrored vision, of a farmer who, joyfully, gathers his seeds becomes what is known; he loosely carries the seeds and is carelessly swayed as the seeds fall along the path he walks on. The intense hunger of the birds unashamedly gathers the seeds of her frail faith and eats it up. The farmer continues to plant and her soul takes a liking to the soil, as it softens her heart, she becomes naive to the whispers of the enemy. Drenched in lies, the seeds of her heart viciously hits the shallow concrete of reality. It stunts her growth. The sun biologically rises but the lack of her root results in her slowly falling away and being destroyed.
The calamity of life gets the best of her, deceitful tongues manipulate her. The lies planted in her heart are hypocritical examples of love and worldly affection. Weakened to the echoes of the estranged, the voice of the GREAT one is faintly tuned out. Crippled by the judgement of others and the persecution of pain, she lays broken and unyoked. As the soil of her heart rejects the truth, it weeds to vain pursuits. Giving up, she blindly patches up her open wounds of vulnerability to the pleasures of the world.
As the farmer continued to plant, some of her seeds fall on good ground and heart become deeply rooted in the soil. She bears the fruit of life and the words received penetrate deeply within her. Rooted, her foundation unshaken, she continued to bear good fruit. In her understanding, the gardner prunes her and cuts off any branch that does not produce fruit. She becomes more fruitful as she relies on the vine, the tender whispers of His word remind her, "Remain in me and I will remain in you "| John 15:4|. Good soil, produces many crops, however "no branch can bear fruit by itself, it must be deeply rooted in the vine " | John 15:4|. Her heart openly receives the truth, as she continues to use the words to bear fruit. In doing so, she grows and change becomes necessary.
In hindsight, I envied the seed that fought through it. She set all her goals to push through, not to give up. She allowed the word of God to be planted in her heart. She lured her mind to cut off the lies, the burdens and to destroy the pleasures, her flesh craved intensely for. I watched her go through the nights where tears rushed vigorously down her face and onto her pillow, but on those nights she silently whispered a prayer to the Lord of lords to help her get it right. She recited and memorized the eloquence of scripture "a righteous man falls seven times but I will rise again " | Proverbs 24: 16|. The power of the saviour redemption for her life reminded her not to give up. Change was necessary, growth was important, however, if she lost the sense of her reality she would remain the same person--she refused to become. From time to time sin knocked on her door but daily grace whispered to her heart, I love you and forgive you, come back to me and be the change you earnestly long for.
The new year puts us in great spirits of setting fresh new goals. However, the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what will stimulate real change in our lives. I used the Parable of the Sower | Matthew 13:19-24|
and personified the seed(s), to give us a sense of the truth in which occurs when we fall and become slaves to the lies and the deceptions of the world. True change occurs when our hearts receive the word of God, and in spite of what comes our way, we allow the word to be the foundation in which we live. Life gets hard, things don't always go as planned. We set goals and sometimes, unfortunately, things occur and we are unable to complete them. I want this post to encourage you to set goals and make new year resolutions, but also to remind you that if things don't work out as you planned; you will diligently be the seed that fell on good soil, who received the word of God and pushed through regardless of what is going on. I prompt you to look to Christ, for in him the change we want to be are the seeds of his word that we plant in our hearts.
Reminder: For his Glory, but for your Good!
for the sake of love,
THE HEM OF HIS GARMENT
Nov 3, 2016
The truth of the matter is :
Fear has stifled me from submitting my burdens at the throne.
I'm restless. I've tried to do things on my own. I have believed in the false realities of fear. As it masquerade itself against my heart. My identity is replaced it's deception with anxiety. It smuggles me like a mass murderer ready to do the crime. I've given into the idea that this is the end-- there is no hope for the future. In the words of an african mother, " I am finished" is all I can seem to pull out from what is going on around me. Yet, I've built walls of deception in which I've dug up wells that can no longer hold water. As my heart beats violently and my palms get sweaty, I close my eyes and envision the woman who was subject to bleeding for twelve years |Mark 5:25-34; Matthew 9:20-22 ; Luke 8:43-48|. I mirrored her life with my reality and aligned her grief with mine. Multiple physicians, yet no one could help, let alone her situation grew worse. I silently sympathize with her. I understood the frustration she felt, each time another physician turned her down.
Twelve years of rejection, being mocked and perhaps countless thoughts of doubt. Things remained the same. In her agony, she was cursed by many and isolated from society. Visions of people chanting "unclean!, unclean! " formed in my mind as this woman carried on with her burdens all "alone" trying to figure out the next step. Uncertain, I imagined her cries of sorrow grew worse, and for the remaining twelve years she put her hope in men who were trained to know the mechanics of the body; yet lacked the understanding of what was actually going on with her. I could easily sympathize with this woman's grief, but I realized something much more significant-- the contrast in our personalities. The difference between this woman and I, was her faith. She set her heart on the power of Jesus and his ability to heal her from the touch of his garment. I on the other hand, have failed to trust in Jesus with certain areas of my life. The doubt in my heart and mind has resulted in fear .
Fear cripples us and robs christians of their ultimate joy in Christ. As I sit here and write I'm crippled by the simple fact that, I will not be able to execute the post correctly. The negative thoughts of not being good enough, smart enough has resulted in constant doubt of believing that God doesn't care or will help me. Lies to distract me from experiencing joy in my Savior. The joy in believing that God is my provider, helper, healer and source of comfort. When we allow these false realities to entrap us, we give power to the lies that goes against Gods word and promises for us | 2 Corinthians 1:20|. I learned a valuable lesson from this woman: "our choices to step in faith should be pursued in boldness when we know the one thing we are pursing--Jesus".
The odds was against this woman,
1. she approached Jesus at one of the peaks of his ministry, while surrounded by a crowed of people
2. her bleeding was considered unclean, she was not to touch or be touched
Yet, she heard about a man named Jesus and believed in the face of all that was around her.
I sit here in awe of her experience. It put things into perspective that, Jesus knows our lives and has the ability to free us from all our sufferings. So whether we are struggling with sexual sin, depression, negative thoughts or bleeding for twelve years. Theres a man who can heal you. The cool thing about him is, he takes a broken person meets them at the well, and changes their lives to sin no more. However the ultimate choice is ours, so will we believe? or will we let the fake facade of fear rob us of finding ultimate joy in him? As I dig up my own wells of self-doubt, I know my faith in trusting in Jesus fills them up. I know he can do all things. I'm reminded that each time I start to get anxious or filled with doubt I can hear him tenderly whispering in my ear, " Take heart daughter", " your faith has healed you" |Matthew 9:22|.
And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. | Matthew 17:20|
for the sake of Love,
As I Lament...
Aug 12, 2016
To count the cost or to lose it all to my anxious soul. The lack of patience within me is buried deep down by my blinded thoughts of what or how I think God should be. I lament over my current state. I can barely lift my head, I try to recite the truth about scripture but what meets me half way is the numbness of my thoughts. In melancholy the evil that surrounds me helps me to war with my spirit. It pushes me to denounce the hope that I know because as frail as I am-- so could my faith possibly be--in the moment.
So how did I get here? Where I think it is better to die than to fight for the truth that I've grown to love so dearly. I close my eyes and try to reminisce on the day I was born-- maybe then I could understand my value. I repeatedly recite Psalms 139:13,"you knit me in my mothers womb, you knit me in my... but I'm interrupted by the pain-stricken echo of my conscious uttering curses of the day I encountered life. Taking deep breaths I say to myself to feel pain in an unfamiliar state means death has to be better. The lies overwhelm me, they somehow have manipulated me to believe that it is the only truth. While the only truth lingers between the pages of the Holy Book untouched tucked under my pillow. I can vividly imagine Satan prancing around rejoicing in me slowly losing hope in the anthem I've proclaimed to be my source of everlasting joy.
My spirit tells me to fight, to fight against the lies and to cling to the cross that has redeemed me from the sting of the death. The tears I've cried is anchor for me to lift my hands to the One who can help me. As I search deep within my soul for the peace I know He can give, I feel like I am no longer surrounded by His presence. In chains, I state my plea, " Lord, If I'm your child, if I'm seen as the one you love release me from the pit that I am. For, how long Lord? Will you forget me forever? |Psalms 13:1|.
I feel Lord... I feel like I'm walking with the dead, and in search of joy I find none. There is no sign of your love, the love that can easily break my bones and bring me back into the ashes I am made of. Although, I feel so much pain within me; my heart silently whispers to my thoughts, " how long must we wrestle against each other?|Psalms 13:2| The irony of David sorrows gave me a sense of peace. How could a man who lived over 3000 years ago be able to speak the pain that currently encapsulates the sorrow in my heart?A man of trouble, it was said that David's life reflected the heartbeat of God. I paused and reframe my state of mind to match his unwavering faith...why are you so down cast oh my soul ? |Psalms 43:5|,
Has the Lord not been good to you ? Why not rejoice in him ?|Psalms 13:5| are the questions in scripture I found myself to speak above lies that griped me so tightly.
In meditation of David love for God I'm reminded of God's unfailing love for me, though in my darkness he is the light. In my sorrow I tell myself daily the truth and intentionally fall to my knees, and pick up my bible. Some days I sing songs, and in other days I weep, but I know in my sufferings I'm not alone. I engulf in the truth and I know that although my salvation won't be a linear road. God has promised that he will never leave nor forsake me. It's easy to let our feelings run the show, throw ourselves pity parties but it's important to remind ourselves that our feelings are not our truth. It changes like the seasons. There is a saying that goes like this, "you can't teach a old dog new tricks", well I hate to break it to you in Christ old things are made new. In essence, what I'm trying to say is even in our pain Christ is our comforter but we have to fight the lies and the schemes of the enemy by constantly renewing our minds from our old ways of thinking.
When your skies seem grey, your nights feel lonely and fear surrounds you please don't give up and give into the doubts because on the other side of our struggle glory awaits. We know this to be true because it's promised to us. So we need to understand that there is hope set before us even in our sorrows. Be encouraged, "We have this hope as anchor for our souls, firm and secure. It has ability to lead us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary" |Hebrews 6:19|.
So as I Lament over my sorrows, I rejoice in the glory that is yet to be revealed.
But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. | 1 Peter 4:13|
for the sake of love,
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