Have you ever felt this emptiness inside of you? As though there has to be more to life than just this. Ever just stood still and let the wind sweep across your face as you watch normal people just go about their day. Questioning their very existence. We only see the outside of human beings; we don't really understand their interior. We don't see the hurt, the burden they carry; the lie they have to live with or the challenges they face. We only see what they choose to present, what they want you to know about them. We don't see the mental battle they deal with on a daily basis; the amount of time it took for that individual to get up and start their day. Do you just sit there and ever think that you are human just like the people who walk pass you every day? You don't utter a word to them. You will never know who they are. You probably won't ever cross paths with them again. But we pride ourselves that we are better because of our status and the money we have. The job titles we have or degree that is framed on our wall. Do you ever stop to just think about these things? If you answered no to all these question then I guess I'm alone in my thoughts once again.
See, this thing called life remains a mystery to me.
From the very moment we escape from our mothers womb we come into contact with reality--although we may not know it or understand it yet. We are birthed into a world of naive perception. Some parents speak good in their children’s life. They claim titles for them, declaring power, and bold statements in their career choice and endless blessings. However, there are others who are birthed into a world of loneliness. The power of rejection is strong and ever-present from conception. At an early age the very thing or only thing we think we know is family. We build bonds with them, put our trust in them wholeheartedly.
But as we become aware of our reality, our perception of our family’s unconditional love changes. Our straight paths become crooked as we encounter the storms of life. Our dependency is no longer on the ones that have nurtured us from birth but in ourselves. Life starts to choke us up and we start to realize that we could possibly be alone to fight this battle. Now, everyone has encountered a period where their dopamine levels drop. "I want my happy back" and all the cliché terms seem to periodically play in your head. But yet happy is nowhere to be found.
* Takes a deep breath*
I've been in this exact place. I'm always looking for my happy, even as a Christian, but sometimes all I can think about is death: all the bad things that could possibly happen. We start to fend for ourselves and carry all our hurt and experiences on our backs. Whether it’s daddy issues; childhood molestation or that nothing good ever happens to you etc. You are shaping your life to become negative. Bad things will happen but it's your responsibility to control what happens and change it. You have to realize that happiness is temporary. Life is going to have its ups and downs, bumps in the road. I know this because right now as I type this out to you I'm going through it. I'm in the blah stage. I'm not sure why I even feel the way I do. But you know what my answer is to all this. That my Joy is in the Lord. I'm not happy, but I have Joy that I have a God who is not only my father, provider, my comforter and friend, but he loves me so much. I find courage in just knowing that even in my MEH days God has my back. So I believe in you. I get the hurt. I may not know your story. But I know what it feels like to be betrayed, broken and disappointed. To cry yourself to sleep and just wishing you could sleep for hours and not have to deal with the world. So I believe in your better days when you and those around you don't believe it. Because I was that girl! But better days are coming. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.
for the sake of His Love,
NanaOhh.
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