Seeds of Change
Jan 10, 2017
Glory awaits for those who seek for it. For those whose heart are in condition for change. Who receive the truth and allow the truth to penetrate in their lives. As I sit here and stare into space, my notebook candidly lays on my lap. The naked pages untouched. I think about all the things I want to do, should do and have to do. The dream of illuminating my goals cloud my head, directly blinding me from all the things I'm going through. The turbulence of my faith shakes me. It plasters itself between the neurons firing in my brain and in hindsight the image of the invisible God becomes what I fear to know.
In the glory of His presence. I question my very existence and the change I want to see in myself. I barely budge, as I lay in awe of His splendour. I'm shaken of what it exposes of me. How frail I am as a being. It saddens me to know that the change I want to be has raptured me to realize that I'm nothing short of human. Deception hugs me tightly and the journey awakens my soul. In a split second I see the image of tiny seeds gathered, being planted.
A mirrored vision, of a farmer who, joyfully, gathers his seeds becomes what is known; he loosely carries the seeds and is carelessly swayed as the seeds fall along the path he walks on. The intense hunger of the birds unashamedly gathers the seeds of her frail faith and eats it up. The farmer continues to plant and her soul takes a liking to the soil, as it softens her heart, she becomes naive to the whispers of the enemy. Drenched in lies, the seeds of her heart viciously hits the shallow concrete of reality. It stunts her growth. The sun biologically rises but the lack of her root results in her slowly falling away and being destroyed.
The calamity of life gets the best of her, deceitful tongues manipulate her. The lies planted in her heart are hypocritical examples of love and worldly affection. Weakened to the echoes of the estranged, the voice of the GREAT one is faintly tuned out. Crippled by the judgement of others and the persecution of pain, she lays broken and unyoked. As the soil of her heart rejects the truth, it weeds to vain pursuits. Giving up, she blindly patches up her open wounds of vulnerability to the pleasures of the world.
As the farmer continued to plant, some of her seeds fall on good ground and heart become deeply rooted in the soil. She bears the fruit of life and the words received penetrate deeply within her. Rooted, her foundation unshaken, she continued to bear good fruit. In her understanding, the gardner prunes her and cuts off any branch that does not produce fruit. She becomes more fruitful as she relies on the vine, the tender whispers of His word remind her, "Remain in me and I will remain in you "| John 15:4|. Good soil, produces many crops, however "no branch can bear fruit by itself, it must be deeply rooted in the vine " | John 15:4|. Her heart openly receives the truth, as she continues to use the words to bear fruit. In doing so, she grows and change becomes necessary.
In hindsight, I envied the seed that fought through it. She set all her goals to push through, not to give up. She allowed the word of God to be planted in her heart. She lured her mind to cut off the lies, the burdens and to destroy the pleasures, her flesh craved intensely for. I watched her go through the nights where tears rushed vigorously down her face and onto her pillow, but on those nights she silently whispered a prayer to the Lord of lords to help her get it right. She recited and memorized the eloquence of scripture "a righteous man falls seven times but I will rise again " | Proverbs 24: 16|. The power of the saviour redemption for her life reminded her not to give up. Change was necessary, growth was important, however, if she lost the sense of her reality she would remain the same person--she refused to become. From time to time sin knocked on her door but daily grace whispered to her heart, I love you and forgive you, come back to me and be the change you earnestly long for.
The new year puts us in great spirits of setting fresh new goals. However, the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what will stimulate real change in our lives. I used the Parable of the Sower | Matthew 13:19-24|
and personified the seed(s), to give us a sense of the truth in which occurs when we fall and become slaves to the lies and the deceptions of the world. True change occurs when our hearts receive the word of God, and in spite of what comes our way, we allow the word to be the foundation in which we live. Life gets hard, things don't always go as planned. We set goals and sometimes, unfortunately, things occur and we are unable to complete them. I want this post to encourage you to set goals and make new year resolutions, but also to remind you that if things don't work out as you planned; you will diligently be the seed that fell on good soil, who received the word of God and pushed through regardless of what is going on. I prompt you to look to Christ, for in him the change we want to be are the seeds of his word that we plant in our hearts.
Reminder: For his Glory, but for your Good!
for the sake of love,
Has the Church Failed ?
Dec 4, 2016
One of my Facebook friends posted a status about the body of Christ not checking on one another like we are called to do.
A couple of years ago me and some members of my church at the time got into an awkward misunderstanding. In the heat of the moment I decided that the best thing for me was to leave the church. If I could avoid all the unnecessary drama and just do me somewhere else, my heart would be settled. In that season I felt hurt and betrayed. Although, I humanly made the conscious effort to leave the church apart of me wanted someone to call and ask if I was okay and if they could pray for me and settle the matter at hand. Many unhealthy thoughts paced my mind about the body in that period of time. I would sit in my room cry and ask God why ? I doubted God loves for me because the lack of love the church showed towards me. I thought about walking away from the faith and doing my own thing countless of times. I felt like the very people that were supposed to rise up and pray for me rejected me and it hurt.
I say this to say,
The church is a place for the sick, the broken hearted and the needy. Yes we live busy lives. Yes the church is run by flawed people, but that is not an excuse. We are called to carry each others burdens and to pray for one another. I'm not writing this to offend or put anyone on blast. This post is for us a christians to become more aware of the role we play in other believers lives and the church. The phrase, "out sight out and of mind" should not be the role we play as a body. So if you haven't seen someone in a while shoot them a message and check up on them. Surely, you never know what they are going through and how much your message or call can impact their day.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
for the sake of love,
THE HEM OF HIS GARMENT
Nov 3, 2016
The truth of the matter is :
Fear has stifled me from submitting my burdens at the throne.
I'm restless. I've tried to do things on my own. I have believed in the false realities of fear. As it masquerade itself against my heart. My identity is replaced it's deception with anxiety. It smuggles me like a mass murderer ready to do the crime. I've given into the idea that this is the end-- there is no hope for the future. In the words of an african mother, " I am finished" is all I can seem to pull out from what is going on around me. Yet, I've built walls of deception in which I've dug up wells that can no longer hold water. As my heart beats violently and my palms get sweaty, I close my eyes and envision the woman who was subject to bleeding for twelve years |Mark 5:25-34; Matthew 9:20-22 ; Luke 8:43-48|. I mirrored her life with my reality and aligned her grief with mine. Multiple physicians, yet no one could help, let alone her situation grew worse. I silently sympathize with her. I understood the frustration she felt, each time another physician turned her down.
Twelve years of rejection, being mocked and perhaps countless thoughts of doubt. Things remained the same. In her agony, she was cursed by many and isolated from society. Visions of people chanting "unclean!, unclean! " formed in my mind as this woman carried on with her burdens all "alone" trying to figure out the next step. Uncertain, I imagined her cries of sorrow grew worse, and for the remaining twelve years she put her hope in men who were trained to know the mechanics of the body; yet lacked the understanding of what was actually going on with her. I could easily sympathize with this woman's grief, but I realized something much more significant-- the contrast in our personalities. The difference between this woman and I, was her faith. She set her heart on the power of Jesus and his ability to heal her from the touch of his garment. I on the other hand, have failed to trust in Jesus with certain areas of my life. The doubt in my heart and mind has resulted in fear .
Fear cripples us and robs christians of their ultimate joy in Christ. As I sit here and write I'm crippled by the simple fact that, I will not be able to execute the post correctly. The negative thoughts of not being good enough, smart enough has resulted in constant doubt of believing that God doesn't care or will help me. Lies to distract me from experiencing joy in my Savior. The joy in believing that God is my provider, helper, healer and source of comfort. When we allow these false realities to entrap us, we give power to the lies that goes against Gods word and promises for us | 2 Corinthians 1:20|. I learned a valuable lesson from this woman: "our choices to step in faith should be pursued in boldness when we know the one thing we are pursing--Jesus".
The odds was against this woman,
1. she approached Jesus at one of the peaks of his ministry, while surrounded by a crowed of people
2. her bleeding was considered unclean, she was not to touch or be touched
Yet, she heard about a man named Jesus and believed in the face of all that was around her.
I sit here in awe of her experience. It put things into perspective that, Jesus knows our lives and has the ability to free us from all our sufferings. So whether we are struggling with sexual sin, depression, negative thoughts or bleeding for twelve years. Theres a man who can heal you. The cool thing about him is, he takes a broken person meets them at the well, and changes their lives to sin no more. However the ultimate choice is ours, so will we believe? or will we let the fake facade of fear rob us of finding ultimate joy in him? As I dig up my own wells of self-doubt, I know my faith in trusting in Jesus fills them up. I know he can do all things. I'm reminded that each time I start to get anxious or filled with doubt I can hear him tenderly whispering in my ear, " Take heart daughter", " your faith has healed you" |Matthew 9:22|.
And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. | Matthew 17:20|
for the sake of Love,
Sep 23, 2016
I've been really frustrated lately, I'm trying to stay positive while I feel like my head is underwater. Oftentimes we tend to focus on our circumstances instead of the God who can change our circumstances. So if you feel like you're being choked by your worries and all the issues of life, remember that all your days were written even before you existed. Don't forget that the ONE who controls your life knows you✨šš¾
"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. | Psalms 139:16|".
N.
A Different Kind of Love
Sep 22, 2016
In a world that teaches you that love is a feeling, that love is chemistry, that it’s you and I being able to sit in silence without saying anything and it not being awkward; that love is you making me feel good, that it’s us needing each other all the time, and being able to fulfill each others’ desires, I’m glad you and I are practicing something different. It’s challenging—the type of challenge that makes me walk away in frustration and question why you and I are together in the first place. It’s the type of challenge that forces me to look at my own faults; to look at the way I am selfish and the way I allow my emotions to overwhelm me. It’s the type of challenge that encourages me to confront my insecurities and fears, and gives me clarity after disagreements and fights. It’s the type of challenge that asks me why I expect you to fulfill something that I could do myself in order to have peace between us. It’s the type of challenge that has encouraged me to be mindful about how I act with others, and how I speak.
I
am being cleansed from familiar habits and actions that are not conducive to
the health of you and I. And the more I think about it, I am becoming a
better person for myself too. My impatience is being stretched to forbearance.
Not just with you, but within various spheres in my life. I see myself growing
in a way that is not guided or propped up by my emotions. People cannot provoke
me anymore. Well, no, let me say it like this: I do not allow myself to be
provoked anymore.
You
and I both know this journey isn’t easy. And as much as I revel in how we’ve
chosen not to gratify our desires, it’s as though we are traversing in a
desert, unable to be each others’ oasis, choosing instead to honour God and
ourselves. The road just seems so long, and never-ending; self-improvement and
self-control feel so over-rated; yet, I cannot deny its necessity. Everyone
always says the destination we are headed, although blissful, is not without
mountains and challenges. Interestingly, they never give specifics or examples
of what that looks like.
I’m
starting to truly understand that love is more than what I have grown up
seeing, and being told. Love is more than just great feelings, and fulfilling
our duties to each other. Love is choosing each other everyday; love is
sacrifice, it’s submission, it is grace, it’s selflessness. It is relinquishing
the need to satisfy myself, and my needs and boasting about who I am, and what
I have done to improve our lives. It is protecting, it is honouring. I know you
are the one who I am supposed to be with because I prayed for you, asked about
you and trusted that you are everything that I need. I trust that there is no
need to unwrap all your gifts. I trust God. We both struggle with this
everyday. Certainly it doesn’t make sense to everyone; others may find it
outdated and disdainful. But we are preparing ourselves so that we maintain
habits that will ground us when we are tormented and challenged beyond our
capabilities.
At
the same time, I’d be lying if I didn’t express a bit of apprehension, that inkling
of What if? It’s said that Love never fails. It’s a phrase that is
difficult to grasp because I see a failure of love all around me. Truly, if
love never fails then perhaps what I am seeing is the illusion of love; a
perversion of the real thing.
I
guess that’s why this period is so necessary yet so uncomfortable. We are being
challenged to practice selflessness, to extend grace, and self control, because
we need these things to flourish as a couple and as individuals in a fallen
world.
And
we mustn’t forget that it’s a life-long journey of choosing to do so.
It’s
ok though. We are getting there and we will make it. It’s a different kind of
love, a love that requires us as individuals to transform, as opposed to me
looking at you and telling you that you need to change. I hope we will continue
to value what we are learning. And continue to rise to the challenge.
It’s
a different kind of love.
And
it’s worth it.
"Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all thing. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
"Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all thing. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
As I Lament...
Aug 12, 2016
To count the cost or to lose it all to my anxious soul. The lack of patience within me is buried deep down by my blinded thoughts of what or how I think God should be. I lament over my current state. I can barely lift my head, I try to recite the truth about scripture but what meets me half way is the numbness of my thoughts. In melancholy the evil that surrounds me helps me to war with my spirit. It pushes me to denounce the hope that I know because as frail as I am-- so could my faith possibly be--in the moment.
So how did I get here? Where I think it is better to die than to fight for the truth that I've grown to love so dearly. I close my eyes and try to reminisce on the day I was born-- maybe then I could understand my value. I repeatedly recite Psalms 139:13,"you knit me in my mothers womb, you knit me in my... but I'm interrupted by the pain-stricken echo of my conscious uttering curses of the day I encountered life. Taking deep breaths I say to myself to feel pain in an unfamiliar state means death has to be better. The lies overwhelm me, they somehow have manipulated me to believe that it is the only truth. While the only truth lingers between the pages of the Holy Book untouched tucked under my pillow. I can vividly imagine Satan prancing around rejoicing in me slowly losing hope in the anthem I've proclaimed to be my source of everlasting joy.
My spirit tells me to fight, to fight against the lies and to cling to the cross that has redeemed me from the sting of the death. The tears I've cried is anchor for me to lift my hands to the One who can help me. As I search deep within my soul for the peace I know He can give, I feel like I am no longer surrounded by His presence. In chains, I state my plea, " Lord, If I'm your child, if I'm seen as the one you love release me from the pit that I am. For, how long Lord? Will you forget me forever? |Psalms 13:1|.
I feel Lord... I feel like I'm walking with the dead, and in search of joy I find none. There is no sign of your love, the love that can easily break my bones and bring me back into the ashes I am made of. Although, I feel so much pain within me; my heart silently whispers to my thoughts, " how long must we wrestle against each other?|Psalms 13:2| The irony of David sorrows gave me a sense of peace. How could a man who lived over 3000 years ago be able to speak the pain that currently encapsulates the sorrow in my heart?A man of trouble, it was said that David's life reflected the heartbeat of God. I paused and reframe my state of mind to match his unwavering faith...why are you so down cast oh my soul ? |Psalms 43:5|,
Has the Lord not been good to you ? Why not rejoice in him ?|Psalms 13:5| are the questions in scripture I found myself to speak above lies that griped me so tightly.
In meditation of David love for God I'm reminded of God's unfailing love for me, though in my darkness he is the light. In my sorrow I tell myself daily the truth and intentionally fall to my knees, and pick up my bible. Some days I sing songs, and in other days I weep, but I know in my sufferings I'm not alone. I engulf in the truth and I know that although my salvation won't be a linear road. God has promised that he will never leave nor forsake me. It's easy to let our feelings run the show, throw ourselves pity parties but it's important to remind ourselves that our feelings are not our truth. It changes like the seasons. There is a saying that goes like this, "you can't teach a old dog new tricks", well I hate to break it to you in Christ old things are made new. In essence, what I'm trying to say is even in our pain Christ is our comforter but we have to fight the lies and the schemes of the enemy by constantly renewing our minds from our old ways of thinking.
When your skies seem grey, your nights feel lonely and fear surrounds you please don't give up and give into the doubts because on the other side of our struggle glory awaits. We know this to be true because it's promised to us. So we need to understand that there is hope set before us even in our sorrows. Be encouraged, "We have this hope as anchor for our souls, firm and secure. It has ability to lead us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary" |Hebrews 6:19|.
So as I Lament over my sorrows, I rejoice in the glory that is yet to be revealed.
But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. | 1 Peter 4:13|
for the sake of love,
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